Some Semblance of Normalcy

So, I flaked on the pictures of my New York/New Jersey clean up trip.  And I flaked even harder on the stories of it that I wanted to share.  BUT, I'm certain as this blog continues, I will get around to posting them.

Goodness knows I've never been very good about journaling, so this is my awareness project in working on it...well other than my actual journal which will forever remain hidden from the eyes of the world.

Sometimes I realize that I really do have a problem...its not really anything major compared to most people...but it is a problem.  Since my sophomore year of high school I have suffered from Depression.  It sucks.  It sucks worse because I know that I should take my prescribed medication, but often just don't feel like it.  Then on occasion that depression will spiral out of control and I become some crazy, emotional, raging monster.  Once I realize it I start taking the medication again, and honestly there isn't really a reason I should ever stop taking it...I don't have any bad side effects from it or anything.  But I'm prideful and vain and don't like to admit that I struggle with depression and that its not something that I can control of my own volition.  ....It's hard to admit your weaknesses to other, let alone to yourself.

I guess putting it out there should eventually help me, but its still not something about myself that I'm necessarily proud of...not that there is really any reason to be ashamed.

It's interesting to see the negative stigma that is so closely attached to Mental Illness.  While I've been studying Psychiatric Nursing this semester, I've come to realize how much of a stereotype and negative connotation I myself associate with it...and I know better!  Mental Illness is just like any Medical Illness.  Its something that is out of our direct control.  There is so much about the brain that we don't know!  Because of this so much of mental illness is not understood.  So many people believe and think that you can just "choose" not to be mentally ill.  It is NOT a choice.  People who suffer from Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, or other Mental Illnesses -- they are NOT in control of what they see or hear or feel sometimes, and they don't know how to change it on their own, often because they can't.  I'm not saying that I'm anymore comfortable dealing with mental illness than I was before.  But I do understand it better, and I understand those suffering from it.  One of the biggest things to overcome is denial, and I guess I'm still working on that.  I'm really working on learning to accept myself; I want to love me for me.

More Later
<3 Pixi